Top Ten Ways to Survive the Tube

If the thought of riding the London Underground brings you out in hives, do not fear. With these ten simple tips you should hopefully be able to get from A to B without developing a nervous twitch — at least not a severe one.

1. Always carry a tube map

Always be sure to print off a tube map before you head to the big city as this will give you time to plan your route calmly. Write down which line you need to take and even note the number of stops to save you wandering mindlessly around the station. Bumping into an ever-so-busy commuter as you search for someone to give you directions is definitely not the best way to start your trip.

2. Keep to the right side

To survive the London Underground you must always go with the flow of traffic. Never walk against a crowd and always, always keep to the right hand side of the escalator if you want to enjoy the ride and stare aimlessly — the left hand side is for people who are far too important to stand still. People in London are very, very busy don’t you know and will get most annoyed should you block their path. Don’t dawdle, don’t look too happy and certainly don’t ask anyone the time, heaven forbid you should slow down their onward journey.

3. Bring antibacterial gel

The tube is a hot bed of grime and dirt and so it is strongly advisable to bring a portable bottle of antibacterial gel or some hand wipes. A large number of sweaty, smelly people ride the London Underground every day, leaving sticky marks on the rails and doors, so come prepared! The last thing you want is to accidentally put your hand in something a bit grim and have no immediate way of getting it off. Yuk.

4. Assess your seat

While some think sitting down on the tube is a luxury, it has its drawbacks, so be very careful where you decide to sit, or you may find yourself stuck to the chair by a warm, stringy piece of chewing gum! Many people clearly think it is fine to squish their gum onto the first available surface, so be on your guard and avoid sticky situations. Watch out for spilled drinks that have seeped into the chair and be sure to assess your neighbour. Being stuck next to some bloke with chronic BO for your entire journey is definitely not fun.

5. Give up your seat

If you manage to find a seat on the tube that is relatively comfy and not covered in stains, then well done you… Nevertheless, don’t get too settled as it is good manners to offer your seat to an elderly person or a pregnant lady. Don’t make them stand or put them through the trauma of assessing every seat and simply give them yours. Standing with help from the rails is more than adequate if you are fit and healthy — especially if you have packed your antibacterial gel.

6. Don’t eat on the tube

As we have figured, the tube is really rather grubby thanks to the amount of people that use it and is definitely not the place to have a mid-morning snack. If you start feeling peckish, the chances are you won’t even have the space to unwrap a sandwich or munch your Burger King, but if you do, refrain! Your burger may start off tasting lovely, but if someone with a cold enters at the next stop and coughs right in front of you, what will you do?

7. Beware of sneezers

When riding the tube, be sure to look out for the sneezers. If you spot a sneezer while waiting for the train to arrive, make your way down the platform and enter a difference carriage. You may think you are safe, but sneezers are often well hidden until it is too late, so keep alert at all times and be prepared to duck away from putrid spray that could potentially land all over your face.

8. Respect personal space

Respecting people’s personal space can be tricky on the tube, especially during rush hour. A bum in the face or an elbow in your head can be quite common, but there are a few ways to make things easier. If you do find yourself uncomfortably close to the person next to you try not to stare the them, this will make them very uncomfortable. Smile if the mood takes you then maybe focus on a spot on the floor. Don’t try to be cool by not holding onto the rails, the train will move fast and you will rock from side to side, so hold on tight and avoid landing in someone’s lap.

9. Avoid frotteurs

What are frotteurs you may be thinking. Well frotteurism refers to an interest in rubbing oneself agains’t a non-consenting person for sexual gratification. The term Frotteur is the French noun meaning “rubber” or “one who rubs” and you certainly don’t want to be near one of these people on the train. Frotteurs love packed places like the tube or a concert, so always be aware if you are surrounded by many people. The frotteur is, thankfully, a very rare creature but it’s best to be prepared.

10. Wear layers

And finally, be sure to wear layers if there is a remote possibility you will have to ride the tube. It could be minus 10 outside but the tube will no doubt be very, very hot and a t-shirt or strap top would come in very handy. A bit of forward planning and could be standing there all smug as others sweat. You could maybe even pack a refreshing drink too, just to look even cooler.

So there you have it, 10 ways to survive the London Underground. Stay alert, avoid anything grimy, don’t be over friendly, look out for weirdos and you will arrive at your destination just fine. I think.

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Image Credit

bookitnow guest blogger London riding the London Underground, Top Ten Ways to Survive the Tube